Sunday, July 19, 2009

Nerve endings

I apologize in advance, knowing that this post could end up being a bit of a downer. Today in church the pastor read from Romans 5:3-5

Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us.

Since I moved, I feel like patience has been drilled into my head. I have been comforted over and over by God's words telling me that His plans are greater and BETTER than mine, that His timing is the only timing worth abiding by. In the midst of this I have read about men like Paul and Moses, men who waited not days or weeks or months for the ways that God would bless them, but YEARS. On top of that I read a book about Rahab. I prostitute who came to know Jesus in the midst of unbelievers and WAITED for God to come save her.

If you know me at all, you know that patience is not one of my easily definable spiritual gifts. That being said, I have been walking in the direction of patience since I moved to Charlotte. It has been amazing how the Lord has proven to me that through Him, even I can learn to wait. All of that has come to a head now though. I have been waitressing now for 3 weeks, and I am fighting an awful internal struggle with my job. I work at a place where I feel so underappreciated and taken advantage of, and where I feel there is never any offer of grace. When I ask others a question, especially management acts as if Iam doing them a disservice. I feel constantly on the battlefield there, struggling to hold steadfast to my faith and morals, while I am feeling as if my spirit is being constantly driven to bitterness.

Maybe this is what they mean when they talk about carrying the cross of Christ. My honest and immediate response is that I did not sign up for this, but realistically, I know that I did. Proverbs 16:9 says this:

A man's mind plans his way, but the Lord directs his steps and makes them sure.

Waitressing at Firebirds isn't even close to feeling like home to me. It is not a place that I want to spend time settling in to, but do I have the wrong attitude. I went into this job thinking, "Rejoice always," but leave everyday halfheartedly thinking, "Rejoice in my sufferings." God PROMISES to "prosper" and "not to harm," and I have never doubted that promise. So, I pray for patience, understanding and hope HOPE hope for the future that is promised.

At 4 pm tomorrow I have a phone interview for a job that I feel like was made especially for me. It has the appearance of being a job that I would excel and thrive in, while also being challenged. If you could pray for that, I would be so thankful. Lord, please give me the patience to take each day for itself, rather than fixing my eyes on the unknown. Instead let me fix my eyes on your promises.

1 comment:

Grandpa said...

Sounds to me as if you are DOWN after your week's vacation! What's up with that?