Passed my DRUG TEST. Woohoo. Had lots of nerves heading in there. But what a ridiculous 15 minute experience.
I got word today from the YMCA Human Resources Director that I would need to do my drug test within the next three days or else I would have to postpone my employment for an entire year. Needless to say, I went in this afternoon after work. When I get there a MAN takes me through these wooden, rickety swinging double doors and starts asking me some questions. We get to talking about my job at the YMCA, about Ohio, about my WV driver's license, even about college (since he went to Ohio U. like my parents).
He feels like an uncle at this point and I keep thinking he is going to hand me over to some nursing school student who gets stuck with the crap jobs...someone who is will point me in the direction of the bathroom with a plastic cup, and to whom I will only speak the word, "Here" when finished.
Surprise, the friendly man who has become an uncle to me is the administer-er of the drug test. Neglecting any sort of conversation transition, the man goes straight from talking about Cleveland snow and the hotness of Charlotte into handing me a plastic cup telling me I gotta have at least one ounce, and I can't flush the toilet or wash my hands after I am done. Thankfully he doesn't notice the embarrassment and shock on my face and points to the bathroom telling me that there is a "no running water" rule. I enter, do what needs to be done, and don't flush or wash my hands.
I have to HAND HIM MY PEE in front of this other young guy that works there just standing in the hallway. He sets it on the counter as if we are actually in some sterile professional environment, such as, oh, i don't know, a CLINIC. But, instead we are just standing in a dingy wooden hallway with chipping paint and a stack of plastic cups. He puts on ONE plastic glove, takes MY pee, and starts dipping different pieces of plastic in it while talking to me about the weather, again. This man has no shame. Thank God for that people. He proceeds to tell me that I passed and hopes to see me at the YMCA sometime since he attends the same one I will be working at. I refrain from making a joke about him recognizing me by the color of my pee and turn to leave, just in time to see him enter the bathroom that I had just left and flush my pee down the toilet. Enough said.