Tuesday, June 9, 2009

God is changing my heart

First off, for the 3 of you that actually read this, I apologize for not blogging for so long. It has actually been a pretty busy week.

If I am being honest I have felt overwhelmed lately. It was hard to come here with no expectations at all, and in the midst of being in the craziness of the past few weeks, I have been blindsided again and again with the fact that God has His own timing, and it is so much better than mine. It has been a lonely and slow adventure, but I am praying every day that I come closer to a place where I need no one but the Lord. I am the kind of person who will constantly substitute one-on-one time with the Lord for some fellowship with friends. I have a tendency to never say no when someone invites me to do something, and in doing so I fall back on the comfort and ease that comes with being surrounded by people. When I was on summer staff for a month at a Young Life camp I remember avoiding my quiet times because I did not want to miss out on the conversation that was constantly going on. It was easy for me to make excuses to just be with other people because we were having fruitful conversation...and they were Christians after all.

When it comes down to it, my relationship with Christ STRUGGLES and FALTERS when I choose to not spend alone time with him. If I were to constantly tell my friend Molly that I couldn't hang out with her one-on-one because I would rather hang out with a big group of our other friends, I would miss out on so many things about her. It is unfathomable to me to think of blowing off one-on-one time with Molly, so why is it so easy to do it with the God of the UNIVERSE? (not that Molly isn't up there in the whole universe spectrum). I get lonely, and I am really learning to come to a place where I crave time with my God...just me and HIM (how's that for good english?). Since being here I can tell when I have good days and bad, they are directly coorelated to the time I spend in the word or praying. On bad days I have a nervous feeling all day, like I have made the wrong decision in moving, like I will never get a job, like I won't make friends. This feeling almost immediately turns to peace when I sit down and let myself be reminded by the Lord that he will sustain me. One of the notes in my Bible today said this: "Needing people's approval in an unbalanced way can steal away our destinies" and this "God is working MIGHTILY on my behalf."

So, I am working on only seeking approval and validation from my Lord, I can't please everyone, so sometimes I need to back up, take a breather and consult with my God. That being said, I am spending the next few days consulting with the Lord on a huge decision. I have decided to follow Pauls example and not "confer with the flesh" just yet. I need to rely on the Spirit that is in me (John 14:17) before I start to seek the wise counsel of others.

FYI: I got a job. crazy right. After Young Life camp (June 13-21) I head in for training at Firebirds wood grilled cuisine restaurant. Exciting I know. You can hardly hold it in. A dream job for a colelge graduate and just what I would have thought after coming out of college with an English major.

That enough for this post and the subject matter is going ot change dramatically on the next so hold your pants up Michael...I know you're looking for the "non-scripture" stuff.

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