Tuesday, January 20, 2009


I think I have started to realize some sad things about growing up. As much as I am ready to leave Cincinnati - this cold weather and horrible insulating and windows in my house keep reminding me why - I am not totally ready to be done with college. Although I realize that I still have 4 months, and my feelings could chance, for now I don't feel ready.

When I used to go to summer camp in middle school and high school the return home would devastate me. I would spend a week with people I barely knew, but by the end of the week you would find me acting as if my child had died. Crying profusely and miserable for about the next 5 days. I typically referred to this as severe cases of separation anxiety.

Although I like to think that I really embrace change, when it comes to people, I am a creature of habit. I am possessive of my friends and like to have friendships always within my grasp. It is so hard for me to get comfortable with the idea that people come and go in our lives. They are placed there for certain seasons, and then the tide changes. I try so hard to grasp at attached strings and am devastated when I come up empty handed.

Over the years the crying has pretty much ceased, but the googly feeling in the pit of my stomach still lingers. I will be doing my best over the next 4 months to REJOICE in the time that I have left here in Cincinnati with the people that I love. I gotta be reminded not to blow off new friendships just because time is dwindling. How's that for getting inside my head?