Back up one day though for a good story. Allison and I decided to go out for the first time on Wednesday night. By "go out" I mean we had intentions to actually stay out past 9 PM and have at least one adult beverage. We got all ready, blow dried our hair, put on something other than bathing suits and boxer shorts and began the trek to "the Village." It is important that you know that we had really planned ahead for this trip. We had to leave the house before sunset because we had a bit of a trek ahead of us. Seeing as how we have no car, (which you know about if you have already read about our bike ride to the Reds game) we had to walk the 1.5-2 mile beach front walk, then head to the pavement to finish it off. We opted to walk the beach so we could see the sunset and as a consequence for this intelligent decision our feet began to freeze off. I definitely stepped on a sharp shell, bled profusely, but didn't feel a thing because my feet had frozen to the point of gangrene and I no longer needed feeling in them.
After an hour and a half, and a foot defrost we had worked up an appetite, only to find that our table choice was minimal. We ended up sitting outside near the sidewalk for people watching...worth the cold. Not 6 feet from us was a table of two gentlemen. As soon as we sat the older looking man commented that we would regret our seat choice because they had been sitting there and moved because of the wind. I assured them we would be fine and he told us that whenever we got cold we could join them at their table.
During the course of our evening we were visited by three ghosts (really just people but I liked the Charles Dickens "A Christmas Carol" reference): San Diego DUI, Freckle Monster, and the Contractors of America. Older men seem to think that we are approachable. The San Diego DUI proceeded to tell us that he was moving to Florida to avoid the 18 month no driving sentence for his DUI. In Florida he only has to do 6 months service. He is also looking for a good deal on a condo, but the people offering it got in a fight and chased him off. Later on, the Freckle Monster (female, approximate age: 55) proceeded to tell us about her "best friend" who was adamant about "banging" all of her boyfriends..."Some best friend, huh?" Her current boyfriend had bought a tie-dye kit, like Allison, and made her a homemade tie-dye shirt. He was wearing his. She proceeded to "hiss" like a cat at her "best friend" in order to prove her territorial instincts since she did not want another one of her children to sleep with said "best friend." Really, is there something in my gaze, my forehead, do I have a tattoo that I don't know about that says, "Yes, I would love to have a conversation about your deep personal life and offer you obvious and intelligent advice that I know you will not even listen to as you lean on my shoulder and breathe your beer breath in my ear." Someone alert me to whatever signifier I have.
Shortly after she stumbled from our table the Contractors of America asked us for the 6th and final time if we would like to join us at their table. I insisted again that we were just fine, and he finally worked up the courage...liquid form...to just insist that they move to our table instead. Really? Come to find out they are at some work conference and just met each other on Monday. Names and ages: Andrew 32, married, two kids...and CRENSHAW, 24, forever cursed with a name that sounds like a piece of heavy construction equipment. Slightly ridiculous people. Insistent on paying our bill...why? Why do some people do that? You just met me, why would you want to pay my $70 dinner bill? There is no stream of logic that makes sense here.
Rest of the night was slightly less uneventful, but I did hear the joke that about sums up this vacation. This joke comes from the singer of The Marvins, a live duo at Captain Curts...approximate age: 70, drum player. And the joke is:
One night I met a girl who told me I was a dirty old man...I said, "Hey, I'm not old!"